Condensed into a sentence, my life

OH HAI THERE. (I have too much time to think sometimes (also I am maybe doing this again))

New York City vs. Charlotte: so why do I dislike New York? Well, inhabitants of NYC, it’s your own fault! First of all, you make the expectations so freaking high, what with the “best city eva!” and the “I <3 NY” and the all of that bullshit. Also, you are sometimes very rude. And most of what I’ve seen is pretty same old same old, just on a larger scale with higher rent. But then again, I have to stop pretending Charlotte is a fill-in for Durham/Raleigh, which are much cooler than bland, churchy Charlotte. Because underneath my loathing of NY, I still respect it for not being churchy. WINNER: NYC

Washington DC vs. Nashville: You know, DC, I think sometimes I might think you are a good city. You have nice places, you have some of the most vibrant middle class black communities in the country, you have so many fun pockets of random ethnicities and cultures (you should have seen the El Salvadorians at RFK). Nashville, there is something authentic and coherent about you that DC lacks, and you randomly have the Parthenon? And all of that music, and Vanderbilt and southern charm? Sorry DC, but your dead soulless core is too much for your outer eccentricities to make up for WINNER NASHVILLE

Ugh, what have I brought upon myself? One of these two gets to be in the elite 8 of cities? *Holds nose and votes for* WINNER: COLUMBUS

Much much harder: I’ll just give it to Seattle because I’ve been there. Shut up. WINNER: SEATTLE

Just a reminder of where we stand

uhhhh

Portland Portland Portland, you are probably just as great as everyone from Portland makes you out to be, with your cool laid-back, crunchy hippy, progressive alternative, relaxed vibe. It all sounds a little insufferable to me (see: what I said about Austin). Houston, you have a terrible reputation. In some ways you earn it, you are way to sprawly, it’s hard to get a feel for you, I don’t know if you are a cohesive place, and you are too hot for a third of the year. I should pick Portland. WINNER: HOUSTON

San Francisco, if I’m hatin’ on Austin and even more so on Portland for being so ‘great’, you may well be the epitome of self-loving smugness. You’re too gay, too chic, too Cali, too everything. But Memphis, hey remember how I gave Nashville a pass to the next round? You are like a bigger, less defined Nashville. You have less of a history, more of a ‘hey look, a city’, also MLK died there, which means you killed him, which means WINNER: SAN FRANCISCO

Indianapolis is involved, and I have too much to say about Baltimore to really get into it now, so I’ll just hate on Indianapolis via a microcosm: some random shitty mall in Indianapolis. Indianapolis is a random shitty mall, it has almost no character, it is boring and depressing, it has empty vacant stretches of crap and no one really wants to be there. It’s in the worst state, probably, and it sucks. It sucks it sucks it sucks. WINNER: BALTIMORE by a mile.

If you questioned the randomness of the placement of these cities, this should confirm that I didn’t plan it out: these are the two closest cities to ‘home’ for me. I grew up outside of Milwaukee, my sister lives there, and went to college just outside of the city of brotherly love. They are similar in their ways: Chicago overshadows Milwaukee as NY overshadows Philly. They have a tough, working class vibe perhaps even after it’s that applicable. Milwaukee was my first taste of what a city could be, what makes them so much better than non-cities. But as much as I love Milwaukee, I would never pick it over WINNER: ‘ILLADELPH’

That was by far the toughest of the first round. Tune in next week for the second round where I may even let people vote! But probably not!

artbear:

joapa:

galáxia dos ursinhos. nébula dos ursinhos. ( nebula of Little Bears)
grafite, nanquim e photoshop.
ainda postarei variações deste mesmo desenho em outras técnicas. 

Makes me think of Sean Johnson’s “Beard Love”

Chicago, you are great, and Las Vegas, you seem really crappy and awful. So crappy, so awful. Ugh, I have said in your airport, and even that was cheesy and cheap and gross. And Chicago is wonderful, with great restaurants and culture and midwestern-ness. WINNER: CHICAGO

Battle of cities in Texas that I haven’t been to! Eeeeeeeeeeeee! Austin is the only place in Texas that people outside of Texas like. El Paso is awful, right, it’s just terrible, yes? But, I already sort of feel like Austin is overrated, even though I’ve not been there. Seriously, there’s something about cities that collectively want to suck their own cock, it’s unseemly. WINNER: AUSTIN

Jacksonville! What a fucking bland, shapeless place!! Boston is full of drunk college bros and the Irish. JK JK Boston, I like you plenty, at least enough for you to beat shitty ol’ Jacksonville. WINNER: BOSTON

Wow, this quarter of the bracket, is so so easy! Like, four solid cities against four terrible awful cities! Phoenix is a turd of a city, maybe the worst city in the country. Louisville is lovely and charming. God, fuck Phoenix for existing, can we destroy it? Just burn it down. WINNER: LOUISVILLE 

Hey, I’m back with some more! Los Angeles, everyone seems to hate you. Oklahoma City, you are a place that had that white dude bomb you and yet you still probably fear Muslins more than other white people. And weren’t you like created by that awful land-run thing? Also, you’re like headquarters of all the livestock stuff. Shit, oh wow you have a major cocaine and crack problem. And a gang problem. And you have a basketball team now for some reason. Still, no one likes LA. I don’t want to think about LA. IRONIC WINNER: OKLAHOMA CITY

Columbus! I forget all the time that you are in fact the largest city in Ohio! Maybe it’s because you seem so family friendly and wholesome. Not speaking of wholesome, Detroit! What a sad sack of sad you are, Detroit! But it’s almost because of that that I feel a something akin to love/pity for you, motor city. Is this about what is a better city in terms of wanting to visit/live/spend time there, or is it really just my subjective opinions? Either way, either way, everything (Jeni’s ice cream too) WINNER: COLUMBUS

San Jose can you see? No, I can’t, you’re like Oakland’s Oakland, even though you’re bigger than SF in the first place. (I have never been to California, sue me.) Seattle, you are like San Francisco if San Francisco was actually San Francisco. Maybe the easiest victory so far. WINNER: SEATTLE

San Antonio, a place in Texas too far into Texas for me to go there. Too too Texas. This bracket has arbitrarily ended up with a lot of cities I do not know. Denver, you I have heard good things about, and you had a mayor named Hickenlooper. That alone would get you the win. But I also might hate the Alamo. I don’t even know why. WINNER: DENVER

Come back tomorrow for the rest of the first round!

Okay, first up is New York vs. Albuquerque. Now, I haven’t been to New Mexico myself, but my parents really enjoyed it there, and I have a couple dear friends who call Albuquerque home. It seems like a pretty neat place, beautiful, dry heat, funky vibe. I’d like to go to Albuquerque some day. 

I’m not going to string along New Yorkers: I don’t really like NYC, and it probably doesn’t have a chance in hell of winning. New York has a lot of great things in it, and I do think it’s the cultural capital of the world in many ways. But I also kind hate being there for more than a couple days. It’s too big, it’s not very friendly, and a lot of it is just like every other city. But it’s still better than having plague rats WINNER: NYC

Hunh. Fort Worth is adjacent to Dallas. I know literally nothing more about Fort Worth.

Charlotte, have I been to you either? If I have, it was just passing through. But you’re in NC, my soon to be new home so you’ll get a pass this time. (As this gets further along I’ll do more research on my unknowns, maybe even ask other people, but in the first round I’m fine with just passing blind judgment) WINNER: CHARLOTTE

Dallas is an awful horrible city, lacking the culture and public transportation of a big city (though not lacking in myths and pretentions). I could have just said the Dallas Cowboys new stadium because it sums up how awful it is nicely

Washington DC, my current home, or next to my current awful home of Bethesda. You have free museums, but you are all sort of dead inside. You have the Metro, though, which is awesome, and your constant raging fear of not being as good as NYC is kind of charming, in a pathetic sort of way. And you’re not Dallas, God Bless you for that WINNER: DC

San Diego, I know you have perfect weather and that you make my dad really really happy and that you have the best zoo ever. Formidable.

Nashville, this tournament sort of lacks southern cities because I went by city size instead of metropolitan area size, and that’s in part because I hate sprawl. Not that you’re sprawly. You’re charming, you’ve got that music city thing going on. I might be affirmative action-ing you on to keep the south in the game, also, nice weather seems like a bogus way to judge a city. WINNER: NASHVILLE

Tune in next time for the next section of the bracket! BEST CITY!